Posted by: Tina M | 2 January , 2010

Thoughts for the New Year

A very talented man that I had the honor of working with has been producing awesome music and art for a long time. I saw on his blog that he had a new song out and I thought that it was a beautiful place to start when thinking about the New Year. I think that most people in my life have been having some intense existential reflection this year and we need a voice of hope and responsibility to get us in the right place for a new beginning.  Listen to “To No One in Particular” by Kiwi

“a temporary remedy to deal with the hurt
a seed that i’m planting to find my self-worth
tryin to build something you got to do work
folks in my community tossing mad dirt

i used to brush it off / but now we’re getting lost
and people tripping when i tell em that we gotta talk
oh well i guess i gotta keep moving
so do what you do i’ll do what i’m doing

to no one in particular everyone in general
my promise to you all to keep it self-critical
from my mind body and soul from my head to toe
i’m gonna end it like it started… gotta let it go”

Lyrics by Kiwi

This echoes my heart in such a way I was shocked to hear this song. I realized as 2009 came to a close that I was feeling TIRED. And not in the sleep deprivation way or the I just ran 5 miles way, but in the stagnant soul crushing tired of carrying the heavy load of pain and frustration for so long.

I’m not sure if it’s just a horrible coincidence or it’s the universe delivering me a CLEAR message but lately I’ve felt like everything is failing me. And I’m fully ready to be humbled when the other side of the story comes out (you know, the one where it’s at least partly my fault, I don’t understand the full situation, whatever-) but I’m ready to have some real conversations about how my relationships aren’t meeting my expectations.

I need to take responsibility for my choices and own up to my commitments to work, to old friends, to family. . . I need to recommit to being present in their lives. . .but I also need to negotiate my expectations.

And I want to hold myself to higher standards. I want to dream more actively and do things. Pursue my dreams. Seize the day. You get the picture.

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